


Deny, deny, denial

by CometSmut



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: (slight) - Freeform, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Porn, Bottom Tyler, Cheating, Coming In Pants, Crying, D/s undertones, Degradation, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fighting, Fights, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, Light Masochism, Love Confessions, M/M, Name-Calling, Painplay, Panic Attacks, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rough Sex, Safeword Use, Safewords, Shy Tyler, Smut, Top Josh, Triggers, Tyler freaks out after he accidentally tells Josh he loves him, Tyler's safeword is polarize, handjobs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-13 10:24:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11757855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CometSmut/pseuds/CometSmut
Summary: It's simple. When Tyler thinks too much, he comes to Josh, who offers a distraction. Just a friend helping a friend, right? Right. Excactly. At least until feelings step into the mix and make everything so much more complicated.Josh is in love with Tyler. Tyler is in love with Josh. Tyler is married. Tyler loves Jenna. He just might love Josh a bit more. And it's so not okay.





	1. The arrangement

**Author's Note:**

> Woo, the first actual smut I'm posting online. Of course it has to have angst in it. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

"Help," Came Tyler's choked voice from the bunk right below the drummer's. Josh put his phone down and peeked his head over the edge of the bunk, whispering Tyler's name. 

"No! Please!" The younger man cried out then and Josh could hear a loud thumping sound, probably caused by Tyler hitting the wall or something. There was no doubt that he was having a nightmare and a bad one at that. Josh sat up on his bunk and slid down quickly, pulling the curtain of his best friend's bunk aside and shaking him gently. Tyler jolted awake, his eyes huge and terrified in the dark and wailed loudly, scrambling away from Josh. 

"Tyler," Josh said calmly, but clearly and loudly enough for Tyler to hear through his panic: "Ty, hey. It's me. Josh. You're okay, I'm not gonna hurt you."

"J-Josh--?" Tyler stammered out, still shaking as he stared at the older man. Josh offered him a reassuring smile and sat down on the edge of the bunk, not sure if it was a good idea to touch Tyler right now. So, he spoke instead: "Yeah. It's just me. Nobody's here but me, okay?" 

Tyler nodded slowly, wiping at his eyes with shaky hands. Josh slid a bit further into the bunk and then spread his arms as an invitation, asking if his friend needed a hug. Tyler sniffled and crawled over to him, hugging him tightly and climbing onto his lap. Josh didn't protest, just took a more comfortable position against the wall and pulled the curtain shut again, holding Tyler tightly. Tyler's breath tickled his neck, but it didn't bother him and even if it had, he wouldn't have said anything. He knew that this was what Tyler needed right now. The man was shaking from head to toe still and Josh just held him there, rubbing his back gently. It took a while, but slowly Tyler stopped shaking and started breathing somewhat normally. 

"I'm sorry, Josh," He whispered shakily: "I'm so sorry for this--You had to---Again. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about," Josh hushed him and Tyler pulled back to look at him in the dark, shaking his head as he explained: "No, no, there is. You shouldn't have to--Nobody should. But it gets real bad, J. The thoughts, they--they're so insistent and I--" 

"I know, Ty," Josh said calmly, cutting Tyler's nervous rambling off: "I know. I'm happy to be here for you, man. I'm your friend, remember? So you don't have to apologize for anything. I wasn't asleep anyway and even if I had been it wouldn't matter because as your best friend your problems are mine and I wouldn't have it any other way."

Tyler nodded, swallowing thickly. They stayed there, in silence staring at each other until Tyler started shifting restlessly and Josh could see him biting down on his bottom lip. He knew the drill by now, but waited for Tyler to speak first anyway, which he did in a minute. 

"Josh--Can you--?" Tyler whispered and Josh replied softly: "What do you need?" 

This had been happening for a while now. Tyler would have nightmares or he would be thinking too much and he would come to Josh, who would give him something else to think about. They didn't talk about it, not outside of these small moments they shared and very little even then, they just had this silent agreement that it was okay. 

"Just--Could you like--Er, touch me?" Tyler said quietly. He was always awkward about asking. Josh didn't know why, because when they were out and about, doing interviews and such, Tyler had the dirtiest mouth Josh had heard in a long while. Perhaps it was the fact that he feared that he was bothering Josh. They didn't talk about that either, Tyler didn't want to. In a way, Josh was glad for that, because it might've been a bit weird to say that he didn't mind getting his best friend off and getting off to it as well. Quite the opposite actually. He relished these moments. Almost waited for them. So yeah, maybe it was good that they didn't talk about it in the morning. 

"How?" Josh asked him: "Wanna lay down?" 

"No," Tyler shook his head and buried his face into Josh's shoulder, his arms around Josh's neck loosely: "Like this, please?" 

Tyler always did that. Hid his face and kind of spaced out a bit. It was understandable though and the drummer never questioned it. What they did wasn't exactly normal after all. Far from it, he supposed. Still, who could say no to Tyler? Not Josh, that was for sure. Perhaps he should've. No, not perhaps. He definitely should have. He should've pushed Tyler away the first time it had happened and kept his distance ever since. Tyler was married for God's sake. This was screwed up in so many different levels. 50 shades of fucked up. Josh had heard that phrase in a movie and felt like it summed up their situation more than well. 

"Of course," He said anyway, shifting into a more comfortable position, sneaking one of his hands in between their bodies. This was so wrong, but it was getting Josh off anyway. He shouldn't have, but he still slipped his hand into Tyler's boxers, after spitting into his palm. It wasn't okay, but he was falling for Tyler anyway and he enjoyed these moments anyway. 

He enjoyed the soft moan Tyler let out, right into his ear. He enjoyed how Tyler's fingers curled, holding onto his shirt just a bit tighter. He enjoyed the feeling of Tyler's body rocking against his. It was downright addictive. 

Tyler's breath hitched and got heavier as Josh's hand moved around his length and he was shaking again, now for a completely different reason. His breathy, high-pitched moaning filled Josh's ears and though it was quiet, it felt very loud in the complete silence. Josh hoped that nobody else was awake. 

"Oh--Oh, J--" Tyler whimpered but stopped himself before saying Josh's name out loud. He always did, which was, again, understandable. It didn't take long for Tyler to come, hot and sticky all over Josh's hand. The drummer wiped most of it on his shorts and then stayed there. Tyler's face was still buried in his shoulder and Josh knew what was coming next. It started with a small sniffle and then turned into Tyler sobbing into Josh's shoulder. This happened a lot too. Tyler felt quilty. Of course he did. 

"It's okay, Ty," Josh cooed, ignoring the fact that he still hadn't got off. This was about Tyler. Tyler said something but his speech was muffled by Josh's shirt. Josh asked him what he'd said and Tyler pulled back to ask: "Am I a horrible person, Josh?" 

"What? No, no! Of course you're not," Josh exclaimed and Tyler let out a helpless sob: "But I am though--Asking for this from you--" 

"Ty, hey. It's really not a problem," Josh assured: "It's just--Friend helping a friend out, yeah?" 

"Yeah," Tyler nodded, sounding relieved. The term 'friend' always calmed Tyler down. Friends with benefits. That's all they were. Josh tried not to let his disappointment show. This was about helping Tyler, not about Josh getting upset over his stupid crush on his married best friend. 

Tyler slowly slid off his lap and quietly thanked him, before freezing for a second and then surprisingly casually adding: "If you, uh, need help with getting off, I could--" 

"Oh, no need!" Josh squeaked. Fucking God, why did he do that? Ah, right. Because Tyler looked uncomfortable and like he'd rather do anything else than what he was offering. Josh didn't blame him for that and just slipped out of the bunk, saying: "I'm fine with just, y'know, doing it myself. You just go back to sleep, okay? Goodnight."

"Night," Tyler retorted quietly just as Josh shut the curtain. He sighed and really wanted to hit his head against the wall a few times, but he told himself that it was better this way. He'd just get more attached than he already was. So, he took some paper towels with him, went back up to his bunk, angrily jerked off, totally without thinking about Tyler, cleaned himself up and went to sleep hating himself. 

The next morning it felt like nothing had even happened last night. Nobody had heard anything unnecessary during the night or they would have definitely said something about it. Tyler was awake before him and when he got out of bed, the singer wished him good morning with a smile, which Josh returned. Friends. He could do that. 

×××

"You want me to what?!" Josh's voice got so high he was probably reaching for Tyler's high notes when he asked the question.

Speaking of Tyler, the singer was sitting in front of Josh, looking down at his fidgeting hands on his lap and biting his lip nervously. The air hung heavy around the men and the question was still there. You want me to what? 

"I-I want you to--to like, degrade me," Tyler repeated, voice shaking a bit: "When you t-touch me I, uh, I want you to call me names and stuff and like maybe order me around a bit--or well a lot," He looked up at Josh and quickly added: "But if it makes you uncomfortable, then of course not."

"No, I--I'm just confused as to why you would want that" Josh replied: "You normally don't even really like me to talk at all."

"Well, it just--It helps me take my mind off things," Tyler explained shyly: "But it's okay if you don't--I shouldn't be asking this anyway, oh God--"

"No, no, no, just," Josh cut him off: "Just tell me. What kinda names?" 

"I can't--" Tyler whimpered shaking his head: "Can't say that out loud. Let's just forget about it, okay? It's not that important."

"C'mon Ty, work with me here," Josh sighed, wondering why the hell he was pushing this forward. He should just ignore it and completely stop their arrangement, if he was totally honest. Of course, he didn't though. Because the sad truth was that he didn't want it to end because he wanted Tyler, so instead of calling it quits like a normal person, he explained: "I'm not against it, you just caught me a bit off guard at first. I-I could definitely do that but I've got to know what you like."

"I don't wanna say them out loud," Tyler mumbled, blushing darkly and Josh found it extremely adorable. The drummer frowned and then got an idea: "What if I say them and you can nod or shake your head?" 

"I don't know if that's such a good id--" Tyler started, but Josh cut him off by telling him to shut up. Tyler's brown eyes widened and his teeth sank into his bottom lip even harder than before. And most importantly, he did what he was told. Interesting. 

"We'll start easy and basic," Josh told him, blushing a bit as he experimentally said: "How does slut sound?" 

Tyler shifted on his seat and nodded, letting out a shaky breath. Josh couldn't help but smirk as he said: "Hm, how about whore?" 

Tyler actually whimpered at that and crossed his legs. Was he actually getting hard from just this? Josh decided to play with this a bit and teased: "I didn't see you nod. No good?" 

"N-No, I like--I like that one a lot," Tyler replied, voice deeper than before and wow, he really was a mess already. Josh grinned wickedly and went through a few more degrading names, until Tyler was a panting mess, trying to get friction on his dick by shifting and moving his legs. Josh was more comfortable with himself now and moved onto full sentences. 

"You're hard from just that, hm? You love it when I call you names, don't you?" He growled lowly, surprised at himself for fitting into the role so well. Tyler just whimpered and moved a hand down to rub his erection through his jeans, gasping loudly. Josh crossed the distance to the other couch and sat by Tyler, not touching him, but close enough to speak in a quiet voice and still be sure that Tyler heard him: "You're so shameless. Touching yourself like that in front of me. I guess you really are a whore. Dirty little whore."

"Oh fu--" Tyler mumbled under his breath, shivering. Josh hesitated for a moment. He didn't want to say anything that would freak Tyler out, but he kind of wanted to risk it. And he did. So, he leaned even closer and whispered: "I bet you'd love my dick in you, filling you up. That's all you really want, isn't it? Or maybe you want it in your mouth? Cum all over your face, maybe? Fucking cumslut."

"Josh--" Tyler gasped out and then went completely still, tensing up and then basically melting into the cushions. Josh started at him for a moment, his mouth slightly open, before asking: "Did you just--Did you just cum in your pants?" 

Tyler nodded and let out a small laugh as he saw Josh's shocked expression. A lot of things were rushing through the drummer's mind right now. Tyler had said his name. Came in his pants just from him talking and a bit of rubbing. And now he was fucking laughing at him? 

"It was good--I, uh, thanks," Tyler said then, not looking at Josh. The drummer swallowed thickly and replied: "I wasn't too mean or anything?" 

Tyler laughed. Genuinely. It sounded almost better than his singing and that was saying a lot, because Josh loved Tyler's singing. The singer turned to look at Josh and grinned a bit: "I think that was the point."

"Yeah, um, I guess," Josh stammered, blushing a bit. Tyler seemed really relaxed and chill, like all of his worries had been taken away. Josh felt proud, knowing that he'd done that. Then Tyler leaned in to hide his face in the crook of his neck and aimlessly felt around for the button of Josh's pants. 

"What are you--?" Josh breathed out and Tyler hushed him: "Helping you out."

He popped open the button of Josh's pants and slid the zipper down, before pushing his hand into Josh's boxers. Josh moaned as Tyler's hand wrapped around his cock and started moving at a steady pace. Tyler's breathing was hot and harsh against his neck but he didn't mind at all. Tyler didn't have to keep going for a long time before Josh was saying: "I'm so close, Ty--So close."

"Good," Tyler whispered into his ear: "Come on, Josh."

That's all it took. Tyler saying his name like that was all it took for Josh to come with a loud groan. Tyler pulled his hand back and seemed to snap back to his senses. He stood quickly and wiped his hand on the front of his shirt. Josh looked up at him, about to say something, but Tyler shook his head and said that he had to go. And so he did. Josh leaned back on the couch and groaned. Fucking hell. He wondered if he had let it go too far, if he should've said no and just called the whole thing quits like he had thought he should. He wondered if Tyler was ever going to want to see him again. Maybe he wouldn't. Maybe this time he would kick Josh out of the band for real. 

Turns out that Josh's worries were stupid, because next week Tyler caught him off guard by pushing him against a wall and asked him to call him a whore again. Josh didn't say no. Again. 

×××

Stuff changed a lot. Tyler became more open to talking about things he liked. He still didn't look at Josh in the eyes during their little encounters and he would never let Josh kiss him, but now he was more vocal. He would say Josh's name a lot whenever he completely lost it and moan like a porn star. Josh found out that besides being degraded, Tyler liked getting his hair pulled, choked and slapped, among other things. It should've been good and it was, but it was also very, very bad because Josh was falling for Tyler like never before and Tyler obviously wasn't falling for him because every time they were done, he would leave the room or the whole house and not talk to Josh for the rest of the day. Then he would pretend like it had never even happened the next day. Friends. They were friends. Josh had said that himself. He shouldn't be upset. Tyler loved Jenna. He made it very clear. Josh was just his friend who helped him out, nothing else. 

Still, Josh was falling for Tyler and he was falling hard. He yearned for those moments when Tyler would be a complete mess under his hands and just say his name in that breathy tone that just dripped with arousal. He shouldn't have. But he did. And enjoyed every second. He did whatever Tyler needed him to and it was always rough, rough and rough again and Tyler never once used his safeword. Never even seemed to consider it. So Josh would've never expected it to happen. Especially in a situation like this. 

Tyler was tied to the bed by his wrists, laying on his back, a blindfold over his eyes and red marks all over his stomach and thighs, from the crop Josh had used on him. Everything seemed perfectly normal. Until Josh got gentle. 

He sat down on the bed, next to Tyler and ran a hand across his stomach to soothe the ache there. Tyler sighed happily. 

"You're so pretty like this," Josh told him and Tyler whimpered softly. Josh knew he liked it. He kept whispering soft praises, his hands moving lower until they reached Tyler's cock that was leaking pre-cum already. When his hand closed around it, Tyler first let out a sound that could only be described as a mewl and then breathed out, so softly and sincerely: "I love you, Josh."

Josh was very taken aback by that and froze for a moment, his heart hammering like crazy. Tyler froze too, and then started babbling in a panicked voice: "Oh shit that's not what I-I was gonna s-say--Shit--I didn't-O-oh fuck, oh fuck, sorry--" 

"It's okay, Ty," Josh cut him off, surprisingly calmly, though his heart still felt like it was about to jump right out of his chest: "It's okay, baby boy. Don't be sorry. There's nothing to be sorry about. I lov--" 

"No, no!" Tyler whimpered, his breath hitching: "D-Don't say it--Don't oh, please fuck--P-Polarize! Polarize!" 

Polarize. Tyler's safe word. Josh registered it. Took a moment to understand it and then got to work, getting Tyler's binds off. He freed Tyler's hands first and then pulled off the blindfold. By the time he was done, Tyler was shaking and sobbing uncontrollably, whispering his safe word over and over again. 

"Is it okay if I hold you?" Josh asked, not wanting to trigger Tyler anymore. He was panicking too, his hands were shaking like leaves, but he tried to remain calm. Tyler seemed to hear him because somehow, between sobs he managed to reply: "Oh, please do."

Josh wrapped his arms around Tyler, who immediately clung onto him, sobbing into his chest. This was worse than after Tyler's nightmares. He was having a full blown panic attack and it was completely heartbreaking to watch. Josh tried his best to keep calm and whispered soothing things to Tyler. 

"Josh--" Tyler sobbed out, sniffling and trying to catch his shaky breath: "Josh--Oh Josh, I tried--I tried not to. Fuck--I-I-I tried not to b-but I did--" 

"Did what?" Josh questioned him and Tyler sounded so helpless when he replied: "I fell in love w-with you. I thought--I was sure--I was so sure we could k-keep it platonic and s-sexual. But I-I screwed it up."

"Tyler, it's okay, I'm in l--" Josh started but Tyler wailed: "Please don't say it! I c-can't hear it. I can't--I'm, I'm married. I have to l-love her. I have to. And I d-do but lately I've l-loved you even m-more. And it's s-so wrong!"

Josh's heart sank. Of course. He understood. Their situation was pretty fucking hopeless. He rubbed Tyler's back and promised him that it would be okay, though the didn't believe it one bit.


	2. Polarize forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh isn't okay with it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I decided to continue this because all of the nice comments on the last chapter really inspired me. This chapter is kind of a filler and sadly doesn't have smut in it, but I should have a complete smut chapter out tomorrow (it's 1.16 AM for me and I really wanna finish it but I literally almost fell asleep in the middle of writing a word just now, so yeah, tomorrow hopefully)
> 
> Enjoy the angst.

Tyler's weight on top of Josh's hips was perfect. The friction against his erection was perfect. Tyler's hitched breathing right next to his ear was more than perfect. And yet, it was so off, so completely and terribly out of place that Josh wanted to throw up. 

It had been a month or so after the catastrophe love confession and the two men had still somehow kept this going. Their arrangement. Mostly because Josh had a weak spot for Tyler's big brown eyes and because he never really learned to say no to him. 

Tyler acted like the confession had never happened, like it had been a dream. He treated Josh as a friend just like before. And he asked Josh to touch him. Just like before. And Josh couldn't say no. But this time. This time he would, because his breath was getting stuck in his throat and he felt terrible and he knew, he knew that this was oh, so wrong and that it couldn't keep going on. Not with the word 'love' in the mix. Josh couldn't do it, because Tyler didn't want to be with him that way and he knew that he couldn't keep up acting like he felt nothing. 

"Polarize," He breathed out, after a long moment of thinking. He wasn't sure how loudly he'd done it, but Tyler stilled and asked him: "What?" 

"Polarize," Josh repeated, his breathing coming out in short, anxious puffs. He suddenly felt very trapped: "Polarize! I can't Ty, fuck---I can't!" 

Tyler's eyes widened and he got off of Josh at the speed of light. Josh sat up, breathing heavily, tears stinging in his eyes. Tyler reached for him but he shook his head as a sign for the other not to touch him. They stayed in complete silence before Josh finally spoke: "This has to end."

"Wha--?" Tyler started, but the older man cut him off by calmly continuing: "I just can't do this anymore. I can't be with you like this and then pretend to be your friend afterwards."

"But--Aren't we friends?" Tyler whispered and Josh groaned: "Yes! Yes we are and that is precisely my point. We are friends and friends don't do this stuff. I thought I was okay with it, but since last month, after all of the feelings got mixed up in this I just can't, okay? Look, I was fine with falling for you but I can't play pretend with you after you said you loved me."

"I don't--" Tyler tried but quieted down when Josh turned to look at him, angry, and snapped: "Mean it? Understand? Feel that way anymore? Good for you! But I do, okay? I fucking do, Tyler! And it's time you stopped playing with my feelings."

He got up, angrily pulling his pants on and heading for the door. Tyler opened his mouth to say something but Josh spoke over him, again: "Ask your wife to call you whore because I'm done. Call me when you can actually be my friend again. Polarize forever!" 

He slammed the door after himself and left Tyler staring after him in shock. Brown eyes filled with tears and Tyler wanted nothing more than to run after Josh and kiss him and say that he wasn't playing with his feelings. But he didn't. Instead he laid down on the bed, buried his head in a pillow and screamed at the top of his lungs. How had it gone this bad? All because he wanted more than he already had. He loved Jenna. He did. But she couldn't give him what he needed. She couldn't get him to forget all of the terrible thoughts that haunted him day by day. And she wasn't Josh. 

Tyler didn't know when he had fallen for Josh. He could never pinpoint the excact moment. It could've been the first time Josh smiled at him, or it could've been the first time Josh calmed him down after a nightmare. He really couldn't tell. He had realized it right after the words "I love you" had come out of his mouth that one time. He had of course felt that way a long time before that, he knew that much, but he had never before admitted it to himself before that. Why had he even started this in the first place? Oh yeah, because he thought that Josh was pretty and he had kind of really wanted him to touch his dick. That was it. And now he'd totally screwed it all up in the worst way possible. 

Tyler fell asleep with teary eyes and a hurting heart. 

×××

Tyler had promised himself that he wouldn't call Josh immediately. He had promised himself to give it time. And here he was, a day after their fight, with his phone in his hand waiting for Josh to pick up. He was almost sure it wouldn't happen, when suddenly Josh's voice said: "What?" on the other end. 

"Josh," Tyler breathed out: "Oh, Josh, I'm so sorry. Please--I-I can't do this without you."

"I can't right now Tyler. I don't have the energy to have this conversation with you," Josh sighed and Tyler squeaked: "No wait don't hang up, please! We'll end it! Let's end it! I'll never ask anything like that from you again! Please, Josh, I--You're my best friend."

Tyler let out a helpless sob. He didn't want to be just a friend to Josh, he didn't want Josh to stop touching him, but he would have Josh any way possible, as long as the older man was a part of his life. Josh went very quiet in the other end, Tyler could only hear his breathing. 

"We can just be friends--Nothing else, no benefits no nothing I just need you--" Tyler babbled, panicking that Josh would hang up. He didn't. Instead, he spoke softly as he said: "Yeah, okay. Friends. That sounds good. We can move past this. Let's just act like nothing ever happened between us, yeah?" 

"Yeah," Tyler replied. His heart was breaking into a million little bits, but he kept himself together as they promised to see each other tomorrow to go eat somewhere. When the call ended though, Tyler fell to his knees by the couch and cried. He was so ridiculously in love with Josh, but he knew he couldn't have both him and Jenna. And if he left Jenna, the media would blow up, if he got with Josh officially, people would judge them and hate them and call them fags and Tyler was terrified. So, he just cried. 

In the other end, Josh threw his phone across the room, thankfully hitting the bed and screamed into his hands. He was so ridiculously in love with Tyler and there was nothing he could do about it. He tried to tell himself that it was better this way, but he really wasn't sure at all. So, he just cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was short. I just wanted to post something. Next chapter will be longer! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated if you liked the story ^^


	3. Empty words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, actual smut in this chapter!

Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun were friends. They didn't do anything friends wouldn't do. They laughed, they hung out, they wrote songs together and they most definitely didn't have any feelings for each other whatsoever. That lasted for two months. 

Now, the two men got over their feelings for each other. Except that they didn't. But they both made it seem like it. And it was okay. They were friends. Except that it was literally the complete opposite of okay. 

But then it got a bit better. It did. Josh didn't think about Tyler in his bed every day anymore. Tyler didn't jerk off to the thought of Josh's voice as often. And after two months had passed, they had mastered their friendship act so well that even they had started believing it. It was almost like it had been before the whole mess. And then all of their process came crashing down. 

Neither of them could really be fully blamed for it. Maybe they shouldn't have hung out that night. Maybe Tyler shouldn't have been walking backwards without looking where he was going. Maybe Josh shouldn't have been so focused on Tyler. But those were little things and neither of them could've really predicted that Tyler would trip over the carpet and that Josh wouldn't be able to stop in time, causing him to fall on top of the singer. Now, maybe they should've just brushed it off and laughed. Maybe Josh should've had a bit more self control. Maybe Tyler shouldn't have blinked up at him that way. Still, 'maybe' didn't matter, because now Josh's lips were on Tyler's and Tyler was pulling him down, fingers tangled in his hair and it was so good it hurt. Josh distantly realized that regardless of how many times they'd fooled around, this was the first time they were actually kissing. Tyler had always refused kisses before. 

"Tyler--We shouldn't," Josh gasped out, even as he pressed his lips back against Tyler's. Tyler pushed him back just for a moment, looking at him in the eyes and saying: "You want to though."

"Of course I do, but Ty--We promised. We're just friends--" Josh whispered, but Tyler cut him off by pulling him back down, lips almost touching his as he replied: "I don't care. I want you so bad, Josh."

"Ty--" Josh started but Tyler shut him up with a kiss. Josh kissed him back because he just couldn't resist it. Tyler moaned into his mouth and Josh bit down on his bottom lip gently, causing him to gasp. Josh pulled back, looking down at Tyler with a serious expression on his face as he said: "If we do this, I'm not gonna go back to pretending to being your friend, you understand? I'm not asking you to leave Jenna, but you need to tell her. That or were not doing this. Or you could just be gone in the morning and never talk to me again, but I won't pretend like I don't feel anything for you when I do."

"Uh huh," Tyler nodded, looking at Josh through half-lidded eyes. He looked like he hadn't listened at all. Josh growled at him lowly and slapped him, not too hard, but hard enough to sting. He wouldn't have done it if he didn't know that Tyler liked it and that it helped him focus. Brown eyes snapped open and Tyler let out a shuddering gasp. 

"Do you understand? We do this and I won't pretend to be your friend anymore, get it?" Josh asked lowly. Tyler's face went very red at his tone and he nodded again, replying: "Yes, I heard you the first time, no need to repeat yourself."

"Are you giving me an attitude right now?" Josh asked, raising a brow. Tyler actually shuddered at that and bit his lip, replying: "Are you gonna do something about it if I am?" 

Josh bit his lip and smirked, getting up on his feet and pulling Tyler up as well, pushing him towards the bedroom, while leaning down to kiss him deeply. Tyler kissed back eagerly and Josh chuckled into the kiss. He pushed Tyler onto the bed and climbed on top of him, pinning him down. Tyler stared up at him, panting heavily. 

"Come on, Josh!" The younger man rushed. Josh laughed again as he spoke: "Oh, you're so lucky that I've been waiting for this for so long or I would be teasing you for hours. What do you want?" 

"Huh?" Tyler hummed and Josh rolled his eyes, repeating: "What do you want?" 

"Your cock," Tyler answered breathlessly: "Inside of me. Preferably five minutes ago."

"Christ, Ty," Josh groaned, kissing Tyler's neck as he started pulling the younger's pants down. He had no idea that Tyler could actually speak like that while looking at him in the eyes. He could get used to it. He got off of Tyler and pulled his pants down fully, throwing them over his shoulder, starting to pull his own down too. Tyler was watching him intently. 

"I haven't got any lube, fuck," Josh remembered then, freezing on the spot. He hadn't excactly been planning for this to happen. Tyler licked his lips before saying: "Use spit. We don't need condoms either."

Josh got out of his pants and crawled on top of Tyler, smirking down at him as he said: "I think you just want me to put my fingers in your mouth."

"Maybe, but you can never really know, can you?" Tyler said back, eyes shining with anticipation and hope. Josh huffed out a loud and brought three fingers up to Tyler's lips, telling him to suck. Tyler opened his mouth obediently and took the fingers in his mouth, swirling his tongue around them and moaning. Josh felt lightheaded just from watching as spit dribbled down to Tyler's chin, remembering how he looked with Josh's cock in his mouth, gagging as the drummer pulled his hair. When Josh decided that his fingers were wet enough, he pulled them out, getting a disappointed whimper from Tyler that soon turned into a whine when Josh pulled his boxers down and told him to spread his legs, which he immediately did. 

Josh pressed one finger to Tyler's entrance, slowly pushing it inside, getting a strained moan in reply. He pushed the finger all the way inside, let Tyler adjust, before starting to pump it in and out. Tyler was gasping and moaning from that alone, but it didn't take long for him to ask for another finger. Josh decided to be nice and comply, which was totally worth it for the sound that Tyler let out when the two fingers pressed into him. Josh kept moving them steadily until Tyler's breath hitched for a good few seconds and he whined loudly. That was an obvious signal that Josh had just brushed over his prostate. So, he kept hitting that same spot, wringing the most delicious sounds out of the younger man. 

Josh loved how high and breathy Tyler's voice got at this point, especially since it was repeating his name. He added a third finger and Tyler hissed, causing him to still. 

"No, no, keep going!" Tyler whimpered, babbling uncontrollably: "Please Joshie, please, I love it so much, love you--fuck--" 

For a second Josh was afraid that Tyler would freak out again, but when he realized that it wouldn't happen, he kept going, loving the completely new set of sounds from the brunette. 

"Josh, need your cock," Tyler moaned, shivering: "Right now."

"It's gonna hurt," Josh said and Tyler nodded, whining: "Oh fuck, yes please, I hope it does. I want you to tear me apart."

"Masochist," Josh muttered under his breath, but he might've been just a tiny bit of a sadist himself because he pulled his fingers out and spat on his palm, kicking off his boxers before jerking his cock a few times to get it nice and wet. He pulled Tyler closer. He wouldn't have Tyler turn around. This was the first time they went all the way like this and he wanted to see his expression through it. A sudden wave of possessiveness washed over him and he growled. He wanted to see Tyler's face and remind himself that he was doing that to Tyler. 

He took his cock in his hand and guided it to Tyler's hole, rubbing over it teasingly a few times, until Tyler was bucking his hips up desperately and begging for it. He slowly pushed the head in and God, Tyler was tight. The singer stilled completely, even stopped breathing momentarily as Josh slowly slid all the way inside. He had used sex toys with little prep before but none of them were as big as Josh. He layed there, eyes rolling back and mouth half-open, nails digging into the sheets underneath him. 

"F--Oh fuck, it hurts," Tyler gasped out, throwing an arm over his face to muffle the sounds he was making. Josh froze immediately and the smaller man underneath him whined. Josh grabbed his hips tightly to keep him from squirming and spoke in a worried voice: "Is it too much? I'll stop, okay?" He slowly started to pull out, not wanting to hurt the other more. 

"No, no, no!" Tyler whimpered loudly and Josh stilled again. Tyler was having trouble finding the words in the middle of his gasps and moans, but he finally managed to get out: "I like it. Fuck Josh--I like t-the burn."

"Fucking God," Josh mumbled and Tyler let out a breathless laugh, moving his arm away from his face and whispering: "Just let me--Let me adjust a bit."

Josh nodded and stayed still, watching as Tyler's pained expression slowly started turning more pleasured and then he opened his eyes again. His pupils were huge and he had some tears in his eyes as he said: "Move, p-please."

And Josh did. Tyler cried out but this time it sounded more like pleasure than pain, so Josh started moving, slowly picking up the pace. Tyler was a complete mess, shaking, his eyes unfocused and mouth open, letting out the most lewd sounds the older man had ever heard. 

"Oh Josh," Tyler moaned: "I've thought of you--ah! All the time. Though of this, oh fuck! God, I love you."

"I love--I love you too," Josh replied, too far gone to care what kind of impact it would have. A positive one apparently, because Tyler let out a shuddery moan, followed by a string of different variations of Josh's name along with 'I love you so, so, so much.' Josh kept going, setting up a slow but rough pace, knowing that he wouldn't last long, not with Tyler being so tight and loud. 

"Josh--" Tyler gasped out: "S-So close."

"God, me too," Josh groaned, scratching at Tyler's hips, getting a pleased sound in reply. There would definitely be nail marks there tomorrow and Josh was proud of that. He wanted to mark Tyler all over and make him all his. He knew that he shouldn't be this possessive but he couldn't help it. He leaned down to kiss Tyler's neck, then bit at the sensitive skin lightly. Tyler cursed under his breath and let out a high-pitched moan, rocking back against Josh, trying to get friction on his leaking cock. 

"No," Josh hummed: "I want you to come untouched."

"Oh fuck yes," Tyler whimpered, moving his hands up to Josh's shoulders, clinging onto him for dear life as he begged for the older man to go harder. Josh complied and was glad he did because that got Tyler to actually scream out his name. 

"Josh--Joshie, oh--oh fuck, I'm gonna cum!" Tyler yelled out, shaking from head to toe, eyes filling up with tears of pleasure. Josh leaned in to speak right into his ear as he said: "C'mon then baby boy."

Tyler gasped, nails digging into Josh's skin and came untouched, all over his stomach. Josh kept moving, knowing that it wouldn't take long for him to follow and kept whispering soft praise into Tyler's ear. Tyler was whining and moaning softly, rocking back with every thrust and babbling nonsense, with Josh's name scattered here and there. Josh came after a few more thruths, muffling his moan into Tyler's neck. They both stayed there for a moment, catching their breath, until Josh slowly pulled out and laid down next to Tyler, who cuddled up to him immediately. 

"We gotta wash up," Josh mumbled and Tyler shook his head: "Later."

"No, right now or we're gonna be all gross in the morning," Josh grumbled, sitting up and getting off the bed. Tyler whined and the drummer laughed: "I'll be back in a sec, I'll just get a towel."

Josh went to the bathroom, took a towel, held it under some warm water and cleaned himself up quickly before going back to the bedroom, where Tyler was either asleep or in Nirvana and cleaned him up gently, before laying down next to him and soon falling asleep too. Maybe this would work out after all. Maybe Tyler would tell Jenna and she would be surprised but understanding and everything would be okay. Josh fell asleep with a smile on his face.

×××

Josh woke up cold. He blinked his eyes open, groaning as the sunlight hit his eyes from between the curtains. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, before properly opening them and looking around. Tyler was nowhere to be seen and neither were his clothes. Josh felt a bit panicked but calmed himself down with the thought that Tyler was probably in the living room watching TV or in the kitchen eating Josh's cereal. That was definitely it. Josh stood and pulled on some clean boxers and a shirt, before walking out of the bedroom, into the shared space of the living room and kitchen. No Tyler. No note. Maybe he'd been in a hurry for whatever reason. Maybe Jenna had called on something urgent. Maybe Zack wanted to see him. That had to be it. 

Josh texted Tyler and got no reply. He tried calling. It went to voice mail. Josh waited. Tyler saw his message and left him on read.

"Or you could just be gone in the morning and never talk to me again."

Josh had said that, yeah. But he had never thought that Tyler would actually think of that as an option. Apparently his so-called best friend was so much colder than he had imagined. At first he was angry. Then came the sadness. He had actually trusted Tyler. Thought that Tyler actually loved him and was ready to work for it. But apparently Tyler had just been using the three words lightly. 

Josh laid down on the couch, staring at the ceiling and never wanted to get up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst at the end I couldn't help myself. I promise it'll be resolved later on!
> 
> Comments are always appreciated <3

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if I'll continue this, but it's definitely possible. 
> 
>  
> 
> Leave a comment, I really appreciate them, even if they are criticism <3


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